I thought I had done what was asked by Blogging 101 but on actually reading it in more clearly, I realised I didn’t do as asked. My mother wouldn’t be shocked about that if she were here! She would say “what a surprise”… (sarcastically).
There was one poignant thing I did get out of commenting on a blog in the last couple of days. It was on reading Lyrallya’s About Me posts where she said “I would love to be able to look back on my life later on and remember all the little things that might seem insignificant today but that end up being the memories that really made me in who I will have become”.
This in a way was particularly significant to me when I read it as I had just had a visit from my first boyfriend. Now I am 54 and this was my “FIRST” boyfriend so we are talking about 37 years ago!!! Now we have met up twice in the last year and the first time was actually confronting and difficult.
I didn’t recognise him – simple as that – I had a stranger before me. Long gone was the skinny kid with the long brown curly hair and in his place was an older man (early 50s) with greying hair and a goatee beard… He sounded the same and we knew things about each other but my eyes didn’t know this person.
Second time around it was easier than the first time as I knew what to expect and Hey I’m sure he felt the same when he saw me.. I’ve changed too.
After this second visit I have been feeling somewhat strange. He brought pictures with him from our time together. I could have sworn it wasn’t me, I didn’t remember where we were, the clothes I was wearing or the bag I was carrying… no not me! Then I saw another photo that I recognised yes it was me… how could my memory deceive me. My formative years wiped out. In conversation I couldn’t remember very much of our time together and somehow felt cheated. I have been wandering around for a few days now trying to work out how I feel. I know there is nothing I can do about it and have to let it go but I do wish I could get that time back to savour the memories and appreciate them.
In my comment to Lyrallya I thought it was a good idea to document your life as you go. Back in my day 🙂 there were no computers (shock, horror) and I didn’t have the luxury of a mobile phone with camera to document every move and put it on Facebook. I am sure this would have helped me relive our time together over and over so that I would have memories later in life. Where were you computers, blogs, Facebook, mobile phones…. where were you!!
So from now on as each memory cell in my head is precious I will document everything and take lots of photos to help me to remember these times now in the future and not be a stranger to myself later on.
Note to self!
Sigh, I know how painful it can be to not be able to feel the same way as you used to be able to, and to make it worse there’s nothing you can do to change that because there’s no ‘records’ and ‘permanent marks’ y’know? All that’s left are memories, and most memories don’t last forever. If I had to pick one of the mosts emotionally painful thing that can happen to a human, I’ll pick this. I’ll pick the awful feeling of not being able to remember something, permanently, and there’s nothing you can do to change that. Amazing article. glad I’ve read it. got me thinking quite a bit as well 🙂
Thanks for your comments Lhu Wen Kai, much appreciated and really I’ m complaining of not remembering a few things, albeit important to me, but you have made me realise the more serious side of this – Alzheimer’s and yes I agree it is the most painful and cruellest thing that can happen to us. You in turn made me think a bit deeper as well.
How can you know so much, wisely, at such a young age, Remarkable.
Haha when you live in Singapore, everything is so fast-paced. Life moves at a speed that’s just really jam-packed and stressful, and as a result a lot of us here gets to experience a lot of things, both positive and negative ones earlier than the rest of our international friends haha. It’s both a positive and negative thing depending on how you look at it 🙂
I agree. It’s odd that the moments I want back I don’t even have a picture to take me back. But those moments that caused pain seem to be with me for life. By a way cute picture!
Too true. Yes I remember the painful bits like it was yesterday but the happy times not so much, pity its not the other way around! Good thought.
I, too and of that generation where there aren’t phones, cameras, or computers that recorded it all, and my brain has wiped a good lot of it away. I’ve just realised I want to talk about this “not remembering” thing more than I can in a comment. So I’m going to have to write a post. Thanks for the jab in the ribs, this is something I need to say, and it won’t be easy for me.
Its not easy is it, I’m still trying to find how I feel and its not settling well although writing about it has helped. Good luck and I will be interested to read your post and hope it will be cathartic for you.
I’m trying to write it now – haven’t got far yet, and not to the tears yet, so will have to see how far I can get.
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I know how you feel, having seen photos of myself and not remembering what I was doing or sometimes even the people I was with. It’s very surreal and truly feels like it must’ve been another life. It’s strange the way time passes as if no time has gone by at all, and yet an eternity has passed between then and now. Staying present. That is the key. At least that’s what I think. 😉 great post!!
Thanks Christin for replying. Surreal is a good description, I like that. It seems it happens to a lot of us and yes I like the idea of stopping and smelling the roses now and appreciate what we have now and be in the minute.
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