Life


I wasn’t sure of what title to put here as I am not sure as I type this what I will actually put down so ‘Life” covers it all I think.

Forgive me a lapse of over 15 or so months since my last post.  I have been enjoying life so much I haven’t had time to post… which sounds kind of rude doesn’t it.  Its like I’ve dropped you like a hot potato and then in my hour of need I come rushing back.

Over the last year my partner and I have relocated from the Gold Coast to the hinterland near Bangalow NSW.  We bought a property with an old queenslander on it which was relocated from Brisbane by the previous owner.  It also has about 1400 macadamia trees which is normal for the area with the next village over, Dunoon, claiming to be the macadamia capital of Australia.  We have been busy painting, renovating, harvesting, mowing and gardening etc.  Life has been pretty hectic and it has only been recently I have ventured out with my camera again.

We are planning a wedding in our garden in November so have been trying to get projects on the forefront now to have it looking spic and span before then.  A wedding no less.  In my 57th year I am going to be a bride, for the first time, and finding it fantastic, nervous and all the things in between.  I am finally marrying my first love from the age of 18.  So from my last post things have taken a turn around and I am completely in a different place and time in my life now than back then, enjoying country life instead of the hecticness that is the city and becoming a wife.

Which brings me to my next phase which I have been trying to process and has come somewhat out of the blue. As of this last Thursday I have been diagnosed with a disease. Now don’t get me wrong, its not terminal. I am sure someone with a terminal disease would give their soul to change to what I have and I am grateful that it is something I can live with and live into old age. I have been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. I was surprised to hear those words come out of “my” neurologist’s mouth. And then again I wasn’t. Like anyone I googled my symptoms that have been progressing slowly over a few years now, some which seemed silly and too petty to talk to a doctor about and others like now that are unmistakably something to complain about. My mother had Parkinson’s disease.

Please I am not writing this for sympathy as I don’t need any, its more a form of processing my thoughts and fears into this safe haven of a community. As I said I am grateful!

My fear is I have been sentenced to life imprisonment of an indeterminate amount of time, I am not sure when the sentence will start but all I know is my body is my jail cell. I have been given no promises and time frames for individual symptoms to appear as each person is different. It is all unknown so I am thankful for now I do not have a tremor and will count every second a blessing for my stillness at this time. I only hope I can still type when it does happen to continue to be productive.

It first started with difficulty with my handwriting a few years ago which I put down to typing more than writing and having ‘lazy’ fingers. When I moved to the country and a new job I started writing more but it didn’t get any better. Slowly it progressed to my fingers being stiff and hard to get moving so my typing is now impaired. Now it is starting to go up my arm which has become somewhat weaker. Looking back now I can notice other things like tripping on my crocs (plastic shoes) time and time again with my left foot (it is all happening on my left (dominant) side). I started to think something was wrong with my foot but it didn’t occur all that often so I forgot about that. My facial muscles on the left side felt loose and soft which I thought too odd and must be my imagination. When I smile the left side of my mouth doesn’t turn up, but barely noticeable to anyone but myself. My body was quite stiff and sore which I put down to arthritis in my early 50s. Now when I eat with a spoon sometimes I get a bit shaky but not very often, its just difficult.

 

I have been put on Azilect (rasageline) which will replace my lost dopamine and maybe even reverse some of my symptoms and hold at bay the tremors for hopefully a long time to come.

So in the year of becoming a wife which is the best time of my life I have been given this diagnosis which has brought us down to earth with a thud. Reality has hit my bridal dreamlike state and dragged me back to terra firma.

I am now living for each moment as none of us can be sure what to expect of the future. It is in the hands of all the Gods out there. I am enjoying the now and this will not defeat me. I will walk down that aisle proud as can be sobbing I know as I am a romantic at heart and very sentimental.

Hopefully my next post will be a joyous one with pictures of our wedding to make it an unforgettable year for all the right reasons.

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16 comments

  1. Good to hear of you, Kaz! I hope you two all the best! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You will find, as I do, that life just goes on and that there are so many ways to enjoy each day. Chronic Lyme disease is my handicap that I live with each day. I pray that you keep fighting and keep on being happy.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Day and months have passed and I was always wondering how you are. I have missed all these stunning photographs you have posted and your nice comments about my work. So I was excited to see your post in the reader. And now I don’t know what to say. Life can be so challenging. But I know you will enter the ring and you will fight the fight of your live. Hopefully your photography will help you. It helped me to overcome my health problems. No I am good as new. An old man at the sea, still crawling through the wood- und wetlands of North Germany. Kaz, I wish you all the strength and peace of mind you need. Enjoy every day and month to come. And I am selfish now. Hopefully we will see stunning images of your weeding… but also lovely images of where you live now and how you see the world now. If I can contribute anything to your fight… please tell me. It is great to have you back again here. Take care, happy days and smiles. Reinhold 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. As Reinhold said so well, Life can be so challenging. Hang in there. The house looks wonderful.

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  5. My ❤ is to the bride and the here and now. This way we catch most love and luck.

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  6. It is very brave to write about your disease. I don’t know what to say…I wish you all the best and strength. I’m sure you will be a lovely bride and I join Reinhold in saying that I hope to see your beautiful photographs back here soon. All my best wishes, Nicola

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  7. Hello there Kaz. Good to hear from you again! Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding! I wish you and your future husband all the best in your life together.
    Life has a habit of throwing us “curly balls” to deal with sometimes but human beings are marvelously resourceful and find ways to cope with difficult situations in their own diverse ways,AS YOU WILL.
    {I attended a concert in Europe once where the conductor had Parkinson’s disease, it was wonderful to see how he managed to do what he obviously loved-and was very noted for- in such a commanding manner.}
    Be happy!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. as far as I see it, anything can heal. Now that was not something my doctors agreed with, as far as they were concerned with autoimmune diseases (ME and thyroid) + severe pain with my pelvis already 90 degrees out, their version was to start by fusing my spine and putting me in a wheelchair with constant pain for life. I was 23 ! That was way over 20 years ago, and every day I am thankful that I took my power back and did it myself .. I healed from the inside out .. I feel great and have no issues .. & I’ve been helping others do the same for 18 years … My best advice to you .. is question everything and research all the alternatives .. + most importantly heal the gut … our gut flora is responsible for our immune system … make that healthy …and anything will heal ❤ I did it for me and there are thousands of others out here in the world who have done the same ❤

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  9. Welcome back! What highs and lows. I wish you all the best.

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  10. You’ve been sorely missed, Kaz, as have your photos. As my retired minister friend says, in his two quotes “Getting old is not for wimps” and “Sometimes life sucks”. At 79, he is also managing Parkinsons! Best wishes to you and your partner/spouse to be. Can’t wait to see the photos 😉 Ken

    Liked by 1 person

  11. HULLO OUR DEAR FRIEND kAZ…so touched by your latest post…beautifully explained by you…as with most people I was shocked and never realised your Mum suffered Parkinsons also..but you will manage and cope with your diagnosis with your usual stoicism I know (there will be down days of course) but those are what your friends are for..and we will be there. The wedding will be wonderful and a truly joyous occasion for many reasons…your beautiful home will sparkle and you will be radiant and the gorgeous Chris will be emotional and proud…a lot to look forward too…keep your chin up..soldier on..and all shall be well… With all our love Karen….Di and Petee xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Hi Kaz, I was so happy to see your post come up in my reader, and then I saw your tag and went “oh no”. However, – I can feel your positive mindset, and your happiness is rolling off into the internet, just like how the beautiful mist rises before the sun on a most glorious winter day, something to behold, cherish and remember forever.
    I am so, so glad that you are marrying the love of your life, congratulations to you both. I love the photo of your house, it looks so calm and welcoming. I am wishing you all the best things that the Universe can provide. Long may “parky” hover in the background, (or even rack off entirely – you never know what modern treatments may e around the corner). Much love, I have missed you muchly.

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  13. I’m extremely sorry to hear that. I was following with huge pleasure how your life was turning out and how you found a life partner, but this is quite shattering news. You are taking it with great courage. Wishing you best of luck!

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  14. I am sorry to hear about your illness. You are brave and courageous. Love is a comfort and you have it in your new partner. ❤️❤️

    Like

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