I wasn’t sure of what title to put here as I am not sure as I type this what I will actually put down so ‘Life” covers it all I think.
Forgive me a lapse of over 15 or so months since my last post. I have been enjoying life so much I haven’t had time to post… which sounds kind of rude doesn’t it. Its like I’ve dropped you like a hot potato and then in my hour of need I come rushing back.
Over the last year my partner and I have relocated from the Gold Coast to the hinterland near Bangalow NSW. We bought a property with an old queenslander on it which was relocated from Brisbane by the previous owner. It also has about 1400 macadamia trees which is normal for the area with the next village over, Dunoon, claiming to be the macadamia capital of Australia. We have been busy painting, renovating, harvesting, mowing and gardening etc. Life has been pretty hectic and it has only been recently I have ventured out with my camera again.
We are planning a wedding in our garden in November so have been trying to get projects on the forefront now to have it looking spic and span before then. A wedding no less. In my 57th year I am going to be a bride, for the first time, and finding it fantastic, nervous and all the things in between. I am finally marrying my first love from the age of 18. So from my last post things have taken a turn around and I am completely in a different place and time in my life now than back then, enjoying country life instead of the hecticness that is the city and becoming a wife.
Which brings me to my next phase which I have been trying to process and has come somewhat out of the blue. As of this last Thursday I have been diagnosed with a disease. Now don’t get me wrong, its not terminal. I am sure someone with a terminal disease would give their soul to change to what I have and I am grateful that it is something I can live with and live into old age. I have been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. I was surprised to hear those words come out of “my” neurologist’s mouth. And then again I wasn’t. Like anyone I googled my symptoms that have been progressing slowly over a few years now, some which seemed silly and too petty to talk to a doctor about and others like now that are unmistakably something to complain about. My mother had Parkinson’s disease.
Please I am not writing this for sympathy as I don’t need any, its more a form of processing my thoughts and fears into this safe haven of a community. As I said I am grateful!
My fear is I have been sentenced to life imprisonment of an indeterminate amount of time, I am not sure when the sentence will start but all I know is my body is my jail cell. I have been given no promises and time frames for individual symptoms to appear as each person is different. It is all unknown so I am thankful for now I do not have a tremor and will count every second a blessing for my stillness at this time. I only hope I can still type when it does happen to continue to be productive.
It first started with difficulty with my handwriting a few years ago which I put down to typing more than writing and having ‘lazy’ fingers. When I moved to the country and a new job I started writing more but it didn’t get any better. Slowly it progressed to my fingers being stiff and hard to get moving so my typing is now impaired. Now it is starting to go up my arm which has become somewhat weaker. Looking back now I can notice other things like tripping on my crocs (plastic shoes) time and time again with my left foot (it is all happening on my left (dominant) side). I started to think something was wrong with my foot but it didn’t occur all that often so I forgot about that. My facial muscles on the left side felt loose and soft which I thought too odd and must be my imagination. When I smile the left side of my mouth doesn’t turn up, but barely noticeable to anyone but myself. My body was quite stiff and sore which I put down to arthritis in my early 50s. Now when I eat with a spoon sometimes I get a bit shaky but not very often, its just difficult.
I have been put on Azilect (rasageline) which will replace my lost dopamine and maybe even reverse some of my symptoms and hold at bay the tremors for hopefully a long time to come.
So in the year of becoming a wife which is the best time of my life I have been given this diagnosis which has brought us down to earth with a thud. Reality has hit my bridal dreamlike state and dragged me back to terra firma.
I am now living for each moment as none of us can be sure what to expect of the future. It is in the hands of all the Gods out there. I am enjoying the now and this will not defeat me. I will walk down that aisle proud as can be sobbing I know as I am a romantic at heart and very sentimental.
Hopefully my next post will be a joyous one with pictures of our wedding to make it an unforgettable year for all the right reasons.